and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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