His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
