A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he shaved USA in his pubs
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
