Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
my liver is dry heaving
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
