: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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