Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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