the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
