My hand turned me down
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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