you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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