Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
