if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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