woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
