I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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