Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
