he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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