Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
