SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
