I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
