I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
