Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
