She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
