great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
