we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
