remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So much rum. So many feels.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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