she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
