I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
