yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
