I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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