never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
