i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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