so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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