just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
