Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i will never coherently bang her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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