you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
