Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
