So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Houston, we have a blender
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
