Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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