You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
