I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
