I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this boner is exhausting
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
