Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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