if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
