Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
