Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
