I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
