I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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