i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
