We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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