i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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