It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
