i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
