yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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