That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
