My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When are your genitals available?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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