How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
