If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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