I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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