i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
