He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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