We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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