My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
