Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We are two peas in an std pod
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
