apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
