Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
