MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They took my balls.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
