My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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