Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize