If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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