look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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