i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am one with the molecules
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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