the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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