highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
