so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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