is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
