Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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